I have a lot to do today, as we all do, but I'm going to write a small bit.
Last night Luke had a rough time at church. He was happy to be there, but exhausted and not feeling super. He took his meds and was pretty upset, in general. Instead of attending my group, with my hubby, I stayed with my boy, and kept him as happy as I could. I think it's always hard to know how to play this cancer game. If we continue on 'normally' it's a good attitude, but it's not always easy..and not at all normal. Most kids are tired after a full day, but he's the only kid there who was at the hospital getting chemo and steroids...sigh.
In any case, we make the best of our situation, and are always striving towards health, faith, and optimism. Did you know you can be joyful even during childhood cancer? There is sadly always a worse case, or even a worse case scenario. At the end of the day, I say, well, he is still alive, I can breathe him in, I can let go of the aching hurt, and I can live for this moment, and I do.
Today he's taking more an more steroids and took three chemos yesterday and steroids.
Tomorrow I will be missing my boy, on usually his hardest day (Saturday/and Sunday) of his steroids pulse. I will be praying so hard for him to find happiness and joy in his hard hard times. My boy is full of life, full of mischief, and full of love.
Yesterday, before we got out of bed, while it was still dark, and we had an early morning snuggle..Luke talked about his day...what to expect at the hospital, and knew that he could handle it. He also talked to me about how things will go when he is all done, and how things may go, if he has a relapse. He knows too much. I can't promise him that it will all be alright. He then said, 'if it comes back, and the chemos don't work, I could die.'
We lay there, and I snuggle him, and I said, yes, that sometimes does happen, but we are not planning on that.
Hold your babies extra tight, we never know what may come, but we need to hold onto each other, hold onto love and hope.