Sunday, March 24, 2013

where I can breathe


I don't know how much needs to be explained and as so much has already been said for well over a year now.  There is no way to explain why we're at where we're at, except to just say it all...and it's so much to say, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  And it's all been said so long, and so much before.  What's saddens me now, is how very very very little is said.

I wonder why when I  see people, and they very rarely ask "how is Luke."   If my whole life and mind and world revolves around my son, and his cancer, and silence is met, it saddens me.  I get that it's hard to talk about it, but trust me, it's a heck of a lot harder to live it.  So as far as it goes with me, I can't tell you about how others may feel, but as for me,  ask.  I may not want to talk about it at great length, but knowing someone care, matters.

I'm looking for places where I can breathe. Not places where I have to be careful what I say, not places where I have to hide, not places where I have to be someone or not be someone.  Wide open spaces that allow for poetry and creativity.  Where I don't feel obliged to solely give facts with no emotion.  We need places where when we run and scream and fall and weep, soar and crash all at once.  The great outdoors provide so much escape form the prison of my mind.  I am running in circles away from my thoughts and the fresh cold air is solace to my soul.  I breathe it in and wait for tears that just...don't fall. 

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